Alistair and Vivienne Rescued from Killer Bird

Jack Simpson

Head of Marketing and Communications

I know it was you, Fredo.

No proof to the contrary can be found.

Alistair, in a moment of blind altruism and sympathy rescued a bird which appeared hurt. Little did Alistair know that he was in fact saving the evil dive-bombing buzzard which has been attacking Welsh joggers all through this summer. Luckily local Welshie Kate was out of the office during the confrontation.

Yes that’s correct, we believe the psychotic Buteo buteo from the Valleys has been found at Web Applications UK. Alistair and his accomplice, Vivienne, failed to take any photographic evidence of the bird to prove it was truly as small, innocent and harmless as they claim.

The pair asserts that Alistair brought the poor flightless bird in from the rain to attempt to nurse it back to health. Vivienne and Alistair located a small cardboard box, filled up a small bowl with water, and left the bird in the box with the water in a dark room as directed by that fount of all knowledge, Google. Magically the bird was found to be completely recovered after only a few hours, and was immediately released back into the wild.

There are only a few explanations for this phenomenon.

A) The bird was just exhausted from trying to fly in the rain; a little rest was all that was needed.

B) The bird was exhausted due to dive bombing joggers and travelling from Wales; a little rest was all that was needed.

C) The crazy buzzard got into a fight with another buzzard then played dead to avoid continuing the fight. After hiding out for a few hours, it decided it was safe to show it was fine and continue its attack on joggers.

D) The bird was near death after an attack by an even bigger bird. Whilst lying, dying, in the box, it became possessed by an evil bird spirit and now is engaged in a campaign to traumatise joggers.

Taking a look at these explanations, one thing is certain, this bird is an enemy to society. I feel sorry for Alistair and Vivienne who seemed to have done something truly noble, only to find out they have released…something…back onto our streets. We are all thankful that Alistair and Vivienne made it through the ordeal without a direct dive-bomb, they’re lucky to be inside. Ladies and gentlemen, look at its eyes, birds are not a sane species.

More information on the dive-bombing buzzard can be found here.