Profile of the Week: John P, the Office Artiste

Jack Simpson

Head of Marketing and Communications

Clapton is god

This week’s profile is John P. I promised not to add any embarrassing links in this profile to his various websites (myspace, ball of dirt) but I will say that he is highly searchable if you can spell his last name.  That said, let’s begin.

J  ohn is Web Applications’ Graphic Designer and has come into our world in the beginning of March this year to make everything ‘prettier’. His job includes designing marketing material, logos, creating new identities for sub-branches of Web Apps (like our soon to come Unified Comms branch), new website, User Interfaces and icon sets. At the moment he is creating a new set of product logos for us, and has completed four out of the six, giving them a completely new, sophisticated look.

G enius Day revealed some undiscovered facts about John. One is that he speaks a mile a minute (seriously, it puts Steve Elliott to shame). Another fact is that John loves his fonts, sorry, typefaces. He has designed a whole new typeface, it’s very pretty, not particularly legible (no offence), called Denva. The story is that he was trolling the web for company logos, and found one from a construction company based in Denver, CO. His typeface is based on this image; because the image looked a bit like an ‘A’ he decided to take Denver and change it to Denva. The mind of an artist eh?

The best part about this job for John is the diversity that is offered in his day-to-day activities. Moving to this role from a more print-based and branding background has opened John’s eyes to a whole new world of web-possibilities.

N ow here is the point in the conversation where I turned against my subject. Here’s the story…John and I are on the same team in the office. It’s a good team, we also have Vivienne, Naomi, Kate (who has joined us very recently) and Nick. It’s pretty much the best team ever, we provide light and hope to an office mucked in technology, we’re like a glimpse of the outside world, doors to human emotions like joy and excitement. Honestly, we’re an awesome team, but I might be biased. WELL, I asked which Webbie he would like most to be awarded come Christmas, given the options from last year, which include:John after Goldfinger is done with him.

The most up to date with technology
Largest consumer of coffee
Always takes advantage of free food
Best Entertainer
Takes the most breaks
Person who is always right
Person with the most ‘idiot’ moments
The person who ‘just does it’
The best team

You may have noticed I left out the, arguably, most prestigious award, ‘Pride of Web Apps’ Colleague of the Year award, I didn’t want it to be an option, the other awards are so much more colourful. Clearly, the obvious (and most accurate) choice was The Best Team award. But noooo, John thinks he would prefer the Nike Award for the person who ‘just does it’. Of course when I pointed out that he had perhaps chosen unwisely, John quickly saw the error of his ways and begged to change his answer for the Team award. Unfortunately it was too late. If John doesn’t think his group is easily the best then too bad for him, the rest of us know better. In his defence, he does have a tendency to get on with things, so I suppose his answer wasn’t completely without merit, but it was still wrong.

J  ohn has an interesting definition of ‘hobby’. For instance, his band is one of his hobbies. They have recorded 40 ‘tunes’ (musicians prefer the word ‘tunes’ to ‘songs’ for some reason. I don’t know why this is the case, but it seems widespread) in the past month. 40. I’m pretty sure that counts as a second job, not a hobby. And his other hobby? EATING and cooking. Cooking I can understand, but personally I can’t really see eating as a hobby, it’s more of a human necessity, but hey, that’s just me.

I  won’t bore you with the tale of John’s Squash winnings and losses. It’s like a short melodrama if you ask him. Yes, yes he used to play tennis but then he didn’t play tennis for a while and then he moved to squash and then the office team got set up and that was exciting and so he lost to Shui in his first game but then he really came back from that and beat Shui when he played him again and now he’s won all of his games except for last night where he lost in an epic battle to Steve Elliott <– is what I mean.

S o finally I will leave my reader with things to remember about John. He has some intense arachnophobia. Flip-out levels of arachnophobia. Also he laughs like a girl. If you’re quiet you can hear it sometimes, but you have to train your ears to pick up on those super high pitches. I let him read this profile before I published it and I couldn’t hear him laughing, but maybe I just couldn’t pick up the frequency. And finally, John is a snob about public transport, but I’m pretty sure that’s because we all know public transport is crawling with spiders.

And! Brand New Edition, a comic from Kris to complete the whole package